"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
- Alfred D. Souza
Running up to my 40th birthday I had the overwhelming feeling I didn't want to be turning 60 and STILL not have done want I really wanted in life. I had spent way too long in my 30’s worrying about every decision, talking myself out of everything and distracting myself by trying to accept this is just the way it is.
I then tried to convince myself that it was probably too late, I’m too old to change and any other excuse I could think up.
On reflection, I used to compare my life to some outdated fairytale and self imposed rules I thought I had to live by. I constantly felt like I was failing. Buying every book, starting every course, really intending to get “around to it” but never finishing (or even starting sometimes) anything. I’m also VERY thin skinned so any criticism could stop me straight away or prevent me from actually trying anything. I wasn’t conventional. I was single in my 30’s for 5 years. I then stepped off of the ladder and sold my home to go into rented. I wasn’t having babies. In fact, I was breaking every so called rule in the book.
I always felt a little intimidated by a lot of life, which left me feeling inadequate. I relied on alcohol in social situations to make me feel braver (note: this never quite went as well as I thought it would!). In day to day life I would either stay quiet or I would place myself firmly behind the loudest person in the room & behave like them. I was also a shopaholic, I purchased something every single day. Realising all this "stuff" wasn't making things any better I admitted I was a bit lost. I overthought EVERYTHING and could easily create a hundred negative scenarios in my mind.
I was giving way too much focus to what people would think of me and I cared more about what "they" might say than I did about me living a life that I might just love. So I decided it was finally time to change that.
I’ve discovered that the stories I tell myself are more important than anything else I might say out loud.
That the small repetitive steps I take, (the ones that I barely notice), hold the completion magic.
It all started with a decision to start a regular journal practice (which ended up with me creating the Notes to Self Journal). I believed prior to that journalling was for other people and it certainly wasn’t for “people like me”. Through writing I started to remember what it was I had dreamt of doing in life. I stopped comparing myself to everyone else and people pleasing. More than that, I read every book, took every course, went on every workshop and absorbed as much knowledge as I could about mindset, change, wellness, meditation and self care. I started taking action and following through - ticking off mini-wins at first and then the significant achievements followed. Self development had started off as a way for me personally to move forward, then I found I was sitting exams and taking it all that bit further. I qualified as a Life Coach, then as an NLP practitioner, going on to become accredited. I spent years learning, practising, adjusting and then finally finding my niche. I wanted to help people change their story and start seeing things through. People who felt just like I did.
when i created the journal it was because i couldn’t find one that worked for me. I had no idea at the time that it would lead me to where i needed to be in so many ways!
Once I accepted I COULD change my story, I stopped holding myself back and I started doing.
YOu ARE NOT ALONE. SO MANY PEOPLE feel the same way but are just not admitting it.
CALL TIME ON COASTING.
We need to really think about what we want and how we are going to get it. We then need to find out how to make the changes and ways to overcome our own self sabotage, otherwise we are just living life in neutral and hoping for the best. I personally had to stop seeking social approval and instead go for what I really wanted - I had to take some time out to remember what that was.
Since then my whole life has changeD…
And now I can help you see things through & change your story. Find out how by getting in touch.