"For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, or a debt to be paid. Then life would begin. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."
- Alfred D. Souza
Do you feel a bit unfulfilled? Maybe even guilty for feeling that way because you have everything. Don’t you?
You probably daydreamed a lot as a kid. You spend a fair amount of time worrying and have been a people pleaser for as long as you can remember. You don’t like to upset things. You feel like you might not be living up to peoples expectations in one way or another.
People tell you not to be so sensitive.
You spend way too much time scrolling. Escaping in your head – you are going to go travelling, set up that business and be a huge success, buy the house of your dreams. You are living through the pages of those doing it and thinking about “what if if was me”. Your imagination is as alive as it was when you were a kid.
You are fantastic at looking like you have your shit together and nobody really knows that you are worried about your credit card bills, fed up of your job or feeling out of sync in your friendship groups. You put on a fantastic front to anyone because you don’t want to admit you feel a little bit lost.
Should you admit you would like more time freedom? Is it evil to want more money? Are you terrible for wanting more? Actually…….are you allowed to want/have any of the things you are dreaming of? I mean, you have left it a bit late, right?
I might take a guess that you have read a few self development books and they have sounded BRILLIANT but you didn’t actually do anything yourself, because: read it and forgot it/read it and got too busy. Right?
You follow a lot of insta babes doing exactly what you want to be doing. It’s inspiring but it’s also a bit of a kicking everyday that you aren’t doing it.
You are annoyed at yourself for being so rubbish with money that you can’t afford to do anything you really want to. You certainly can’t take a risk or spend money on such an indulgence as self development. It’s selfish, I can’t afford it and it’s pretty self indulgent anyway.
You are the queen of self sabotage and you know it. Funnily enough you are also the biggest cheerleader available to anyone else.
You are as scared of success as you are of failure. I mean, what if it does all work out? What will that mean for everyone else in my life?
You shop to try and fill the void. You want to have everything, so you are buying it. In every colour.
If you have enough, eventually you will feel enough.
I’m guessing you have probably had your tarot cards read as well. Loved it if they told you what you wanted to hear and thought it was a pile of rubbish if they didn’t. You wanted to hear that you were going to do the things you dreamed about.
A life is not lived if you are just ticking the boxes. How do I know? I was you. Let me take you back to me aged 32. Newly single, a home owner in a house I didn’t want to own, in debt from a shopping habit that wasn’t helping me feel better despite all the promises. I was chasing my tail and I was using alcohol to give the perception I was having a really good time and to take my mind off life. If I was out at every party, I was living. Wasn’t i?
I was more than a little anxious. Trying my hardest to be someone I wasn’t and constantly worried what other people thought of me. It’s quite a vicious little cycle to be in. My self esteem also happened to be at rock bottom from a period of being single, feeling judged and wondering if I was somehow “not normal” by society’s standards.
So what happened?
Step one as cheesy as it sounds – I started journaling.
Really simple stuff that slowly but surely got me feeling better. I started really thinking about what I wanted. I had parked a lot of stuff over the years or filed it under “look at again later” or “not possible for you”.
Looking at if was possible.
Meditation. Honestly, just slowing down the mind for a bit each day, that had a huge effect on me.
Getting outside more. Doing the gratitude practices and taking a moment every day to look at what I wanted and how that would feel (aka daydreaming!!). Breaking down the stuff I wanted to get done in really small bites so I could do them. Not just look at the mountains and wonder how the hell I would get to the top.
I was doing all this on scraps of paper. I couldn’t find the journal I needed.
SO I MADE IT!
Slowly but surely I did a bit every day to work on something I imagined and hey presto – here it is.
I also started to look at why I was buying EVERYTHING. Sometimes twice (I kid you not). Turns out I didn’t like myself very much. I didn’t like the way I looked. My shape. My style. So I was buying everything to try and change that.
Turns out I need to do the work on me to change that, not buy 50 pairs of jeans.
I stopped buying. I sorted out my “stuff”. I worked out what I do wear alllllllll the time on repeat and what’s never had the tag removed. I started creating a wardrobe from what I owned and used it. Control over debt made me feel lighter. I was starting to free up money paying the same credit card over and over again. I was able to do things I did want to do.
I invested in me instead.
Coaching. Courses. Retreats. Mindset work.
I put all my free income into that and knocked partying on the head.
I started to feel comfortable being me and confident that I could pretty much achieve anything. All the things I wanted from the stuff I got from investing in me, not things. Who knew?!?!
So believe when I say I know what it feels, I know you are fed up and more importantly I know it can all change!
Should you buy the journal?
If you want to commit to doing something yourself, not just reading it on someone else’s social media.
If you want to start showing up for yourself every day for ten minutes.
If you really want to change and some daily accountability sounds right up your street. This journal is prompted to make these changes feel like second nature after a while.
If you want to make mindfulness and self-care standard day to day routine! Who doesn’t want to feel better about themselves? Long story short the only person who can do that is you. The best way to do it is by taking control of your story.
You really can change your life and this journal is step one in your self-investment. Commit to yourself to making these small changes daily and in six months feel the difference. See how relaxed you are, how much more you are smiling. Look at what you have achieved! Those little daily tasks got you a long way didn’t they? You can feel yourself liking the reflection. Handling the down days better. Recognising when the negative chit chat in your head is just that, chit chat. Much like when your mum is on your case, you can choose to ignore it.
I can promise you that change is achievable. Those dreams are possible and a life redesigned is 100% available for you. You just have to start.